Coffee brownie

I have the life. The ‘textbook’ dream life. I have a car, with four rings on its rear end. A house, with more rooms than people it accommodates. I possess all the branded synthetic skins you can think of, from the Gs to the Ps to the As. My wardrobe covers it all. I have an over paid staff who is at my beck and call, and an overtly glamorous social circle, who really has nothing better to do in life. I have it, I have it all. Even though I wasn’t born with these luxuries, I have them. You ask how? Cause I married the right not-so-beautiful guy. The man I call my husband. I use to be ambitious, I was. That is, until I hit 25. Then my life changed. I had to succumb to the ‘Indian society’ laws. I was a girl, and it didn’t matter if I didn’t have a career. ‘I don’t have to provide for a family, that was my husband’s responsibility.’ Of course, I didn’t agree to that, poor men in India, such great pressure on their shoulders. But my parents didn’t listen to me, I was a child they said,

I miss you. Every single moment, of every single day. There is this ebbing ache in my heart. A missing portion. An ache now I think, I am used to. An ache now I think has become my way of life. I can’t do without this ache, now. In reality, I don’t want to do without it. It is the only connection I have, to you. I am not sad, no. I am not lonely either. I have brilliant friends, who love me, cherish me. I do have someone who adores me to bits too. He is sweet, and funny and intelligent. He is waiting, for me to take him as my own. I know that. Everyone does. But you see, there is a ‘but’. He isn’t everything I want, weirdly, even though he would have been everything any girl could wish for. I don’t know what is the problem you know? Why it doesn’t fit, why nothing fits? It doesn’t. How can you wait for someone who isn’t even there. How can my mind attempt to move on, when my heart is still the same. They say, if you hesitate long enough, you’d know your heart de

If only Amidst the typhoon, was a tranquillity That could hold my hand. Would I be in Neverland, Trying to outlive Peter Pan If only A moment lost was another attempt At a second chance Would I be in the dreams to come With a jar of marmalade and bittersweet   jam If only Promises shattered Opened gates to another plan Would I have a joyous jump With happiness singing a doobie ding dang If only Chaos was a constant And life breathed a comfortable mayhem Would I find the place to belong With my hamster, pillow and imaginary fans If only Regrets gave peace And brokenness gave a sense of stance Would I be, what I want to be Whatever that means, in the actual plan.

  Love affairs and tattered tales, Is what life makes us to be, In this hopeless place, amidst this maze. I tried to find you and me. Not a single drop to spare, Nor a word left to cease, In this broken glass chamber. I tried to find you and me. To the mountains high and valleys low, We could have run Wild and Free, In these shattered dreams And empty spaces. I tried to find you and me. And then the clouds, turned black and blue, And the winds made whorly woos, In the storm of fearsome light, I tried to fight with fearless fright. But alas! The world had other clans, And down they went, my sacred plans, Leaving me with bruises to hide, And a world that is broken inside my eyes. Still they wonder what could I be, what in the dying light did I see? Now in the dark, when thoughts disobey, I am trying to find another way, In all my waking moments passed, I am trying to find, Me at last .